When young I like all other romantic dreamy teenage girls, read lots of literature. No not Barbara Cartland paperback,(being raised by two Master in English Literature parents that would be balsphemous!)but E.M Forster, Daphne De Maurier, Bronte sisters, etc.... And like so many I believed in love at first sight...(or maybe second?)Besides the literary influence, other factors played into it;
My parents had married for love in spite of the paramount differences in their family backgrounds and culture. Both their families were against it, and there was a glitch, my dad was already engaged to be married to a distant cousin. Now let me clarify that their story took place in the Indian Subcontinent not the US! Dad was Punjabi, Mom Urdu speaking. His family were mostly rural landlords, hers urban high level government employees. He was a shia and she a Sunni!( different sects of Islam just like Catholics and Protestants in Chirstianity)
They did have certain things in common, both lost their fathers when 9, both were smart, both loved literature and both were exceptionally good looking! (Not making that up, they really were!)
On top of that I grew up to be independent and strong willed , no one was gonna tell me who to marry! Throughout college kept that dream alive, my time would come and I would find my mate, fall in love and spend a lifetime of charm, romance and devotion!
Instead............ life happened!
Graduated, got a job and became a candidate for arrange marriage!! Yes, arranged! :)
Now when my friends in the US hear that word they squirm at the mere thought of having someone else pick their life partner for them. What they overlook is how it makes settling down so easy and simple.
Single women in the US struggle and despair when searching for a possible boyfriend, then they worry and stress over his lack of total commitment, if they get that commitment, they then wake nights praying he'll pop the question! Yet, after putting so much effort and time in selecting, catching and tying the knot, rate of divorces is much higher in their cases then in case of arranged marriages.
In comparison, when parents are arranging potential matches for their daughters (and I am talking about educated emancipated Pakistani families), they find a select group of bachelors (often referred by friends and family). They meet the candidates( often with their parents), they pick a few and then have their daughter meet those families. If both sides like each other, the boy's family sends in a request for the girl's hand in marriage. The final say is the girl's and her parents'. So unromantic! So weird! Yes it is so!
But it is also a practical and rational thought through way of dealing with a very crucial life decision!The falling in love starts after the marriage, since commitment comes first, both partners work at it together! But because during the selection process social, educational, cultural and religious standards have been matched, many things in the relationship just fall into place. The few bumps (or many in some cases) are worked on, fought over and dealt with together. These roadblocks exist for all couples in a marriage whether arranged or not!
If their hearts are in the right place, they sort it out somehow (in most cases)!
In the end, I will confess for me it wasn't that simple and easy but what in life ever is?!
