Every year end everyone I meet starts asking me about my New Year
Resolutions!!! What the hell are new year resolutions? Why do I need
them at the end of a year I just wasted trying to stick to last year's
resolutions? In the past, every new year as instructed by the media and
world, I would promise myself huge changes in my life, a new career, a
new slim body to go with it, a new attitude towards everyone with no
more trying to be Miss Nice incarnate! Resolve to conquer every fear and
just go for whatever I want to do in life, not care what others think,
not allow anyone to dissuade me from my goals. I would Nike style 'Just
Do It'!
Well after all those crazy resolutions, I am still
not into a career I love actually I am not into any career at all, I am
still just there to take care of my family with not much gratefulness
or appreciation, I am still putting my needs at the bottom of every 'to
do' list and still never get to them in the end, I am still trying to go
back to my pre-kids slim tight body and am far from it. I am still
taking shit from my family and burying it and moving on not matter how
they are weighing me down.... Basically I have achieved nothing with
these flimsy dreamy wishful resolutions!!!!
Why I didn't succeed?
Firstly, I put so much thought into it only made me aware of all the roadblocks I'd
have to overcome to get to my goal, of all the issues that might come
up with changing dynamic at home and of all the difficulties that might
pop up in my kids daily routine when I wouldn't be there 24/7 ensuring their
smooth sailing. All those 'what ifs' and 'Hows' just stopped me in my
tracks.
On rare occasions I did overcome those fears, but then I
made another fatal mistake. I got excited and all psyched to the point
of announcing it to my mom and siblings and sometimes a friend or two.
Now talking about it has never borne any fruit for me, the pressure
that comes with expectations of the informed individuals just leads me
to freeze. I couldn't do anything without wondering what would they say or
think of it, I would worry if my idea of achievement was worth something
to them? I would obsess over whether they'd be disappointed behind my back because I fell short of their hopes for me. And on and on and on...... All these questions that grow in my
head only take away any fun or joy in doing it. Hence I don't do it and
give up!
In fact, the only times I have done anything concrete over the past decade it is when I didn't plan it long and hard, I just did it!
So this December when a friend suggested
making new year resolutions together, I just plain refused. No more
resolutions for me, I just am not going to add another disappointment to
my list of 'Not Done Yet'(NDY) and my list of 'Will Never Get
Done'(WNGD). No I am not going to make up resolutions just to stick with
the crowd, I am going to live life , one day at a time, just go with
the flow. Do whatever inspires me whenever it inspires me. I will do it
quietly and persevere because that is the only way I can actually get
anything done. And no more announcing my big idea, they will find out
when they will find out, no need to expedite it.
So Happy New Year to you all, but don't you dare ask me what I'll be doing this year, I am not saying! :)
