Raising boys in these times

 

What kind of movies or music my kids would be exposed to growing up was 

not something I deeply pondered on when thinking about parenting as a first time mom. 

But then one day walking into our family room I saw my husband working on his laptop 

while a Bollywood movie ran on the TV and my eldest son who was barely two at the time 

watching it quite intently with a big smile on his face. I turned towards the screen and saw 

a typical Bollywood song going on, plenty of color, upbeat music, women and men gyrating, 

the camera zooming in on the women’s busts or butts every few seconds… to most Desi 

people there is nothing strange or out of the ordinary about that. But seeing my little toddler 

watching made me pointedly aware of the sexuality, vulgarity and complete objectification of 

women that movie like most Bollywood movies was projecting and I turned the TV off.

 It was in that moment that I realized how much it mattered to me what my son grew up 

watching and listening and how much influence the entertainment he was exposed to might 

affect his personality. To figure out what I did not want my son watch or listen to, I defined what 

I did not want for him to be or do.

 

- I did not want him to accept the objectification and sexualization of women as normal.

- I did not want him to be acclimatized or numb to violence and gore of any sort.

- I did not want him to ever think a gun was a toy and something to be taken lightly.

At that time, it also became quite apparent how much the entertainment industry exposes us 

to all of these. Most TV shows were about cops or detectives either solving violent crimes or 

shooting at the ‘bad guys’, the main hero often aggressive with a flair of bad boy vibe, whereas 

almost all TV series had sexual content injected into them clearly to attract more viewers, MTV 

music videos too were full of sexualized content and even so called kid shows on Disney either 

had somewhat precocious kids already falling in love or juggling romantic relationships or 

shouting at their parents, stomping off, banging doors and all that supposedly made them cool..

When it came to music, that too was often full of sexual innuendos, especially rap music which 

was full of explicits too.

When it came to toys for boys, I decided not to buy my boys toy guns and the likes of it, nor 

did I let them play video games that had violence and gore in them or where the objective 

involved shooting or killing others. I was frowned upon by some friends and family members 

for depriving my boys of the fun they could have with Nerf guns and the likes...but I believed 

that weapons especially guns should not be introduced in a child’s life as a toy, it diminishes 

the reality of what a gun is meant for and how dangerous an object it is. 

So yes, that took a whole lot of entertainment off the table for my kids for the first their early 

years, restricting their TV to mostly PBS shows, or shows like The Wiggles, Backyardigans, 

or reality shows like Amazing Race, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire or Wheel of Fortune or 

DVDs of Wallace and Gromit, Fireman Sam, Rescue Heroes, etc.. Movies were also mostly 

limited to PG rating till they began middle school. Their toys involved board games, card 

games, Leapfrog tablets,  computer for Minecraft and educational games, etc.. I also spent a 

lot of time playing word games, general knowledge and geography quizzes with my boys. 

I don’t know if my way was the right way, but I do believe the rationale behind my decisions 

was not completely baseless or unreasonable.

Walk in the woods...

 

 

What if it's the there

and not the here

that I long for?

The wander

and not the wait,

the magic

in the lost feet

stumbling down

the faraway street

and the way the moon

never hangs

quite the same.

(Tyler Knott Gregson)

It really is as simple as that....

The day we all understand and accept that there will be peace.

The VMAs an exercise in vulgarity, obscene gestures and lack of class!

Every year I don't even know about MTV Video Music Awards being aired until all media lets loose on what was shocking and then everyone everywhere starts talking about it. So this year when I heard that the VMA were being aired that same evening, I decided to check them out myself.

Although the MTV VMAs have acquired the reputation of always bringing something more appalling and incredulous each subsequent year, this year they just hit the lowest of lows by picking Miley Cyrus as the host. Her ability to do outrageous things at 22 is already legendary.

The show kicked off with Nicki Minaj's performance, which involved gyrations and over sexualized gestures and dance moves.... I had a feeling it was going to go down from there.....
Miley Cyrus' wardrobe if that word can even be used for what she barely covered herself in... Cellophane with strategically placed plastic m&ms or something like that... A white cut-out dress which had more cutout then material... basically they managed to cover just enough to slip by the censor board!
Other performances were in the same vein but fell a little short of the initial vulgarity, with Demi Levato acting so proud of her barely covered butt by jutting it out at Iggy Azalea.

To sum it up, the level of obscene comments, dance moves and the extreme sexualization of women is very saddening... Seeing these women gyrating in minimal clothing and appearing self confident left me confused and wondering, do they really feel self-accomplished by this? For me real talent shouldn't need shedding of clothing or modesty to make a mark... maybe I am wrong but I find it difficult to respect these barely clad girls and women as real talented artists....
But again that's just me.

Best act of the evening: The Weeknd performing "Can't feel my face" alone on stage .











Even Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video  broke all barriers of decency then, now seems innocent and decent nowadays!!

Quote of the week...

Thought of the day

Why dinner time is valuable family time and needs to be part of our daily life

I grew up in a household where dinner time every member of the family had to show up, no matter what. It was at the dinner table we learned about politics, arts, literature, besides discussing and sharing our daily experiences with our siblings and parents.

My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.

For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.

Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't  match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!

Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them. 
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.