Showing posts with label Guns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guns. Show all posts

Monday, December 7, 2020

Raising boys in these times

 

What kind of movies or music my kids would be exposed to growing up was 

not something I deeply pondered on when thinking about parenting as a first time mom. 

But then one day walking into our family room I saw my husband working on his laptop 

while a Bollywood movie ran on the TV and my eldest son who was barely two at the time 

watching it quite intently with a big smile on his face. I turned towards the screen and saw 

a typical Bollywood song going on, plenty of color, upbeat music, women and men gyrating, 

the camera zooming in on the women’s busts or butts every few seconds… to most Desi 

people there is nothing strange or out of the ordinary about that. But seeing my little toddler 

watching made me pointedly aware of the sexuality, vulgarity and complete objectification of 

women that movie like most Bollywood movies was projecting and I turned the TV off.

 It was in that moment that I realized how much it mattered to me what my son grew up 

watching and listening and how much influence the entertainment he was exposed to might 

affect his personality. To figure out what I did not want my son watch or listen to, I defined what 

I did not want for him to be or do.

 

- I did not want him to accept the objectification and sexualization of women as normal.

- I did not want him to be acclimatized or numb to violence and gore of any sort.

- I did not want him to ever think a gun was a toy and something to be taken lightly.

At that time, it also became quite apparent how much the entertainment industry exposes us 

to all of these. Most TV shows were about cops or detectives either solving violent crimes or 

shooting at the ‘bad guys’, the main hero often aggressive with a flair of bad boy vibe, whereas 

almost all TV series had sexual content injected into them clearly to attract more viewers, MTV 

music videos too were full of sexualized content and even so called kid shows on Disney either 

had somewhat precocious kids already falling in love or juggling romantic relationships or 

shouting at their parents, stomping off, banging doors and all that supposedly made them cool..

When it came to music, that too was often full of sexual innuendos, especially rap music which 

was full of explicits too.

When it came to toys for boys, I decided not to buy my boys toy guns and the likes of it, nor 

did I let them play video games that had violence and gore in them or where the objective 

involved shooting or killing others. I was frowned upon by some friends and family members 

for depriving my boys of the fun they could have with Nerf guns and the likes...but I believed 

that weapons especially guns should not be introduced in a child’s life as a toy, it diminishes 

the reality of what a gun is meant for and how dangerous an object it is. 

So yes, that took a whole lot of entertainment off the table for my kids for the first their early 

years, restricting their TV to mostly PBS shows, or shows like The Wiggles, Backyardigans, 

or reality shows like Amazing Race, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire or Wheel of Fortune or 

DVDs of Wallace and Gromit, Fireman Sam, Rescue Heroes, etc.. Movies were also mostly 

limited to PG rating till they began middle school. Their toys involved board games, card 

games, Leapfrog tablets,  computer for Minecraft and educational games, etc.. I also spent a 

lot of time playing word games, general knowledge and geography quizzes with my boys. 

I don’t know if my way was the right way, but I do believe the rationale behind my decisions 

was not completely baseless or unreasonable.


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Why I stand by my ban on toy guns, violent games and violent movies in my house!

I know some people including my own brother think that I have it wrong, exposure to guns specially toy guns doesn't make a child less sensitive to gun violence. Playing violent video games such as Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty doesn't necessarily make you a violent person. 
But every time I see headlines like the following, the more strongly I feel about the affect of unnecessary exposure to violence and the more aware I become of the dangers of making children think that a gun could be a toy or killing and shooting at people could be a game.

3 Students Shot Near Brashear High School In Pittsburgh ( Nov 13,2013 Huff Post) 

Police: 20 children among 26 victims of Connecticut school shooting ( Dec. 15, 2012 CNN US)

At least 12 dead, 59 injured in Colorado theater shooting during 'Dark Knight Rises' (July 20,2012 Fox News)
US police name suspect in Oakland college shooting (April 3, 2012 BBC)

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords shot in Tucson rampage; federal judge killed ( Jan 8, 2011 Washington Post)

Worst U.S shooting ever kills 33 on VA campus ( April 16, 2007 NBC News)

Man Shoots 11, Killing 5 Girls, in Amish School (Oct 3, 2006  NY Times) 

 And these are just a few of the mass shooting incidents that have occurred since the April 1999 Columbine shooting. There are more than 28 such shootings on record, and disturbingly enough victims include young children. 

Another way that today's children are over exposed to violence is through movies. A recent study published in the scientific journal Pediatrics after researches analyzed the 30 top-grossing films every year from 1950 to 2012, concluded that the gun violence in PG-13 movies has tripled over time. The overall violence has doubled.

I do realize that taking toy gun, graphic violent games and movies away will not guarantee a decrease in violence but I do think it might help prevent our future generations from becoming totally immune and acclimatized to violence and killing in general. 




More on the American Academy of Pediatrics study 

Film gun violence has tripled since 1985 - study (Read full story)
Gun violence in PG-13 movies has tripled  (Read full story)



Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Unsung Virtue of Tolerance ( By E.M Forster)

The following is the speech given by E.M.Forster over radio of British Broadcasting System, July, 1941.
Many of the points he makes are relevant in today's world which is still sadly full of discrimination and persecution based on religion, ethnicity, nationality, and social class.




"EVERYBODY today is talking about reconstruction. Our enemies have their schemes for a new order in Europe, maintained by their secret police, and we on our side talk of rebuilding London or England, or western civilisation, and we make plans how this is to be done—five-year plans, or seven-year, or twenty-year. Which is all very well, but when I hear such talk, and see the architects sharpening their pencils and the contractors getting out their estimates, and the statesmen marking out their spheres of influence, and everyone getting down to the job, as it is called,a very famous text occurs to me: "Except the Lord build the house they labour in vain who build it." Beneath the poetic imagery of these words lies a hard scientific truth, namely, unless you have a sound attitude of mind, a right psychology, you cannot construct or reconstruct anything that will endure. The text is true, not only for religious people, but for workers whatever their outlook, and it is significant that one of our historians, Dr. Arnold Toynbee, should have chosen it to preface his great study of the growth and decay of civilisations.
We shall probably agree on this point; surely the only sound foundation for a civilisation is a sound state of mind. Architects, contractors, international commissioners, marketing boards, broadcasting corporations will never, by themselves, build a new world. They must be inspired by the proper spirit, and there must be the proper spirit in the people for whom they are working. For instance, we shall never have a beautiful new London until people refuse to live in ugly houses. At present, they don't mind; they demand comfort, but are indifferent to civic beauty; indeed they have no taste. I live myself in a hideous block of flats, but I can't say it worries me, and until we are worried, all schemes for reconstructing London beautifully must automatically fail.
But about the general future of civilisation we are all worried. We want to do something about it, and we agree that the basic problem is psychological, that the Lord must build if the work is to stand, that there must be a sound state of mind before diplomacy or economics or trade-conferences can function. What state of mind is sound? Here we may differ. Most people, when asked what spiritual quality is needed to rebuild civilization, will reply "Love". Men must love one another, they say; nations must do likewise, and then the series of cataclysms which is threatening to destroy us will be checked.
Respectfully but firmly, I disagree. Love is a great force in private life; it is indeed the greatest of all things: but love in public affairs simply does not work. It has been tried again and again: by the Christian civilisations of the Middle Ages, and also by the French Revolution, a secular movement which reasserted the Brotherhood of Man. And it has always failed. The idea that nations should love one another, or that business concerns or marketing boards should love one another, or that a man in Portugal, say, should love a man in Peru of whom he has never heard—it is absurd, it is unreal, worse, it is dangerous. It leads us into perilous and vague sentimentalism. "Love is what is needed," we chant, and then sit back and the world goes on as before. The fact is we can only love what we know personally. And we cannot know much. In public affairs, in the rebuilding of civilisation, something much less dramatic and emotional is needed, namely, tolerance. Tolerance is a very dull virtue. It is boring. Unlike love, it has always had a bad press. It is negative. It merely means putting up with people, being able to stand things. No one has ever written an ode to tolerance, or raised a statue to her. Yet this is the quality which will be most needed after the war. This is the sound state of mind which we are looking for. This is the only force which will enable different races and classes and interests to settle down together to the work of reconstruction.
The world is very full of people—appallingly full; it has never been so full before—and they are all tumbling over each other. Most of these people one doesn't know and some of them one doesn't like; doesn't like the colour of their skins, say, or the shapes of their noses, or the way they blow them or don't blow them, or the way they talk, or their smell or their clothes, or their fondness for jazz or their dislike of jazz, and so on. Well, what is one to do? There are two solutions. One of them is the Nazi solution. If you don't like people, kill them, banish them, segregate them, and then strut up and down proclaiming that you are the salt of the earth. The other way is much less thrilling, but it is on the whole the way of the democracies, and I prefer it. If you don't like people, put up with them as well as you can. Don't try to love them; you can't, you'll only strain yourself. But try to tolerate them. On the basis of that tolerance a civilised future may be built. Certainly I can see no other foundation for the post-war world.
For what it will most need is the negative virtues: not being huffy, touchy, irritable, revengeful. I have no more faith in positive militant ideals; they can so seldom be carried out without thousands of human beings getting maimed or imprisoned. Phrases like "I will purge this nation," "I will clean up this city," terrify and disgust me. They might not have mattered so much when the world was emptier: they are horrifying now, when one nation is mixed up with another, when one city cannot be organically separated from its neighbours. And, another point: reconstruction is unlikely to be rapid. I do not believe that we are psychologically fit for it, plan the architects never so wisely. In the long run, yes, perhaps: the history of our race justifies that hope. But civilisation has its mysterious regressions, and it seems to me that we are fated now to be in one of them, and must recognise this and behave accordingly. Tolerance, I believe, will be imperative after the establishment of peace. It's always useful to take a concrete instance: and I have been asking myself how I should behave if, after peace was signed, I met Germans who had been fighting against us. I shouldn't try to love them: I shouldn't feel inclined. They have broken a window in my little ugly flat for one thing, and they have done other things which I need not specify. But I shall try to tolerate them, because it is common-sense, because in the post-war world we shall have to live with Germans. We can't exterminate them, any more than they have succeeded in exterminating the Jews. We shall have to put up with them, not for any lofty reason, but because it is the next thing that will have to be done.
I don't then regard Tolerance as a great eternally established divine principle, though I might perhaps quote "In My Father's House are many mansions" in support of such a view. It is just a makeshift, suitable for an overcrowded and overheated planet. It carries on when love gives out, and love generally gives out as soon as we move away from our home and our friends—and stand in a queue for potatoes. Tolerance is wanted in the queue; otherwise we think, "Why will people be so slow?"; it is wanted in the tube, "Why will people be so fat?"; it is wanted at the telephone, or we say "Why are they so deaf?" or conversely, "Why do they mumble?" It is wanted in the street, in the office, at the factory, and it is wanted above all between classes, races, and nations. It's dull. And yet it entails imagination. For you have all the time to be putting yourself in someone else's place. Which is a desirable spiritual exercise.
I was saying that Tolerance has a bad press. This ceaseless effort to put up with other people seems tame, almost ignoble, so that it sometimes repels generous natures, and I don't recall many great men who have recommended it. St. Paul certainly didn't. Nor did Dante. However, a few names occur to me, and I will give them, to lend some authority to what I say. Going back over two thousand years, and to India, there is the great Buddhist Emperor Asoka, who set up inscriptions all over India, recording not his own exploits but the need for mercy and mutual understanding and peace. Going back about four hundred years, to Holland, there is the Dutch scholar Erasmus, who stood apart from the religious fanaticism of the Reformation and was abused by both parties, Catholic and Lutheran, in consequence. In the same century there was the Frenchman, Montaigne, subtle, intelligent, witty, who lived in his quiet country house and wrote essays which still delight the civilised. And England, too: there was John Locke, the philosopher; there was Sydney Smith, the Liberal and liberalising divine; there was a man who recently died, Lowes Dickinson, writer of a little book called A Modern Symposium, which might be called the Bible of Tolerance. And Germany, too—yes, Germany:
there was Goethe. All these men testify to the creed which I have been trying to express: a negative creed, but very necessary for the salvation of this crowded jostling modern world.
Two more remarks, and I have done. The first is that it's very easy to see fanaticism in other people, but difficult to spot in oneself. Take the evil of racial prejudice. We can easily detect it in the Nazis; their conduct has been infamous ever since they rose to power. But we ourselves—are we quite guiltless? We are far less guilty than they are? Yet is there no racial prejudice in the British Empire? Is there
no colour question? I ask you to consider that, those of you to whom Tolerance is more than a pious word. My other remark is to forestall a criticism. Tolerance is not the same as weakness. Putting up with people does not mean giving in to them. This complicates the problem. But the rebuilding of civilisation is bound to be complicated. I only feel certain that unless the Lord builds the House, they will labour in vain who build it. Perhaps, when the house is completed, love will enter it, and the greatest force in our private lives will also rule in public life."


By E. M. FORSTER, English Journalist and Commentator,
Delivered over radio of British Broadcasting System, July, 1941
Vital Speeches of the Day, Vol. VIII, pp. 12-14