Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Monday, June 8, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Why dinner time is valuable family time and needs to be part of our daily life
I grew up in a household where dinner time every member of the family had to show up, no matter what. It was at the dinner table we learned about politics, arts, literature, besides discussing and sharing our daily experiences with our siblings and parents.
My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.
For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.
Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!
Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them.
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.
My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.
For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.
Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!
Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them.
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
What makes memories worth remembering...
I was cleaning up a drawer and found some of my stuff from long ago that my mom brought from Pakistan a few years back. I started going through the bundles of memorabilia. Interestingly enough it was mostly notes, letters, cards, postcards, photographs and certificates etc... Things we don't really see much of nowadays.
One was a letter written to me by my family when I was off on a fortnight long third grade class trip to the seaside. In it my sisters informed me that they got their ears pierced, one even drew a picture showing me how they looked. My mom and dad obviously wrote advice on being a good girl and staying out of trouble and trying not to lose my stuff (which I inevitably did!). It reminded me of that trip, of the loads of fun we had, of my friends from back then, of the mischief I inevitably got into, of walks on the beach, of our bedtime games hour, of our tour of the Mercator (a training ship of the Belgian Merchant Fleet from 1930s) and its significance in bringing over remains of the Flemish missionary Pater Damiaan from the leper colonies of Hawaii. All our activities were free of any sort of electronics and yet full of joy, fun and adventure!
From those memories I trailed into other memories of my childhood years! I started remembering life then, how we had no cell phones, no computers, no video games, no video players, and no other electronic devices.
What we had was freedom, freedom to go out to the park with our friends without fear of 'bad guys', freedom to climb trees, fences, walls without fear of litigation or lawsuits, freedom to visit friends without fear of intruding, and freedom to just while away the time after school and homework was done without the pressure of endless extracurricular activities or academic tutoring classes.
We lived and enjoyed life, we savored and experienced life.
If it was summer, we went out to play with friends or learn to roller skate or skateboard, or we rode our bikes around the neighborhood or just went for a walk to the park.. we rarely sat indoors in summer before the sun set! And in Belgium it meant til 9-10 pm....
In winter, we would bring out the board games Monopoly, Scrabbles, Ulcers, Connect four, Mastermind,etc.. have tournaments amongst us and often our mom and dad joined in. If no games, then we'd read books, magazine or newspapers, or we'd come up with some crafty project and start work on that either alone or together. Television was often a last option, not only because most channels wouldn't start transmission til later in the afternoon but because we had so much else we could do. We were never really bored!!
But then I ask myself; will my children have such memories? Do they spend enough time with other human beings? Will they have as many memories of things they did with family, friends, classmates in school, college, colleagues at work and even total strangers? Will they remember such simple things as climbing a tree, planting a seed, tumbling down a hill, picking fall leaves?
With how life is in our world now, I am not so sure! What will they remember? Will they have photographs, letters or postcards to remind them? Will their memories be off playing video games alone, browsing the internet all day long, of chatting with friends or family online but without recollection of their smile or laughter? How rich and full will their memories be?
Nowadays I feel our children are being restricted and confined by the abundance of electronic distractions.. Yes, that is what they are, distractions from family, friendships and relationships, sports, nature, books, diverse experiences and mostly from really living life.
It our job as parents to take a stand and try harder to get our children to leave the electronics behind and go out to enjoy life in simpler and more interactive ways. We need to give them memories like ours of time well spent with family and friends, of time spent seeing the world around us and beyond, of time spent discovering new talents and experiencing new things.
One was a letter written to me by my family when I was off on a fortnight long third grade class trip to the seaside. In it my sisters informed me that they got their ears pierced, one even drew a picture showing me how they looked. My mom and dad obviously wrote advice on being a good girl and staying out of trouble and trying not to lose my stuff (which I inevitably did!). It reminded me of that trip, of the loads of fun we had, of my friends from back then, of the mischief I inevitably got into, of walks on the beach, of our bedtime games hour, of our tour of the Mercator (a training ship of the Belgian Merchant Fleet from 1930s) and its significance in bringing over remains of the Flemish missionary Pater Damiaan from the leper colonies of Hawaii. All our activities were free of any sort of electronics and yet full of joy, fun and adventure!
 |
| Joli Bois (Where we stayed on our trip) |
What we had was freedom, freedom to go out to the park with our friends without fear of 'bad guys', freedom to climb trees, fences, walls without fear of litigation or lawsuits, freedom to visit friends without fear of intruding, and freedom to just while away the time after school and homework was done without the pressure of endless extracurricular activities or academic tutoring classes.
We lived and enjoyed life, we savored and experienced life.
If it was summer, we went out to play with friends or learn to roller skate or skateboard, or we rode our bikes around the neighborhood or just went for a walk to the park.. we rarely sat indoors in summer before the sun set! And in Belgium it meant til 9-10 pm....
In winter, we would bring out the board games Monopoly, Scrabbles, Ulcers, Connect four, Mastermind,etc.. have tournaments amongst us and often our mom and dad joined in. If no games, then we'd read books, magazine or newspapers, or we'd come up with some crafty project and start work on that either alone or together. Television was often a last option, not only because most channels wouldn't start transmission til later in the afternoon but because we had so much else we could do. We were never really bored!!
But then I ask myself; will my children have such memories? Do they spend enough time with other human beings? Will they have as many memories of things they did with family, friends, classmates in school, college, colleagues at work and even total strangers? Will they remember such simple things as climbing a tree, planting a seed, tumbling down a hill, picking fall leaves?
With how life is in our world now, I am not so sure! What will they remember? Will they have photographs, letters or postcards to remind them? Will their memories be off playing video games alone, browsing the internet all day long, of chatting with friends or family online but without recollection of their smile or laughter? How rich and full will their memories be?
Nowadays I feel our children are being restricted and confined by the abundance of electronic distractions.. Yes, that is what they are, distractions from family, friendships and relationships, sports, nature, books, diverse experiences and mostly from really living life.
It our job as parents to take a stand and try harder to get our children to leave the electronics behind and go out to enjoy life in simpler and more interactive ways. We need to give them memories like ours of time well spent with family and friends, of time spent seeing the world around us and beyond, of time spent discovering new talents and experiencing new things.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Overexposure to technology is keeping our children from experiencing real living
Too much technology is becoming the defining tribulation of our times. Although the easy constant access to technology has some very convincing supporters, it also has its share of vehement opposition. I belong to neither of these groups.
"Everything in moderation" is my motto. I think the most worrisome concern is our children, they spend far too much time on devices and in front of computer screens. They are less physically active then our generation, they tend to socialize digitally instead of actual face to face encounters, they also use technology as an escape from the real life often avoiding stressful situations or conversations. No matter how painful or awkward social interactions might get, they are also the learning opportunities our children are deprived of as they forge friendships and relationships digitally.
It is easier for them to express feelings, ideas or points of view remotely sitting behind a laptop or device. They don't see the reaction on people's face, or the emotions their statement might arise in others. That also means they can be more aggressive, ruthless, right out hurtful without ever seeing or facing the consequences of their words, at least not right away. Many a times they also can make up a persona online which may be nothing like their real selves, hence making it highly unlikely that they will ever physically and actually meet the individuals with whom they are putting up this pretension. All these thing lead to further physical isolation in the real world.
The prevalent social media frenzy is also promoting voyeurism in an insidious and disturbingly sneaky way , the urge to peek into others' personal lives can be instantly satisfied by going through anyone's social media profile and photos. On top of that the 'sharing' concept is becoming like force-feeding. Our children are being fed these unrealistic images and news of how life is, could be, should be... Leaving very little room for originality and initiative. Anything that does not fit into the realm of hip and cool isn't worth posting about or mentioning.
The effects of these significant changes in socializing, living and experiencing life may not be seen immediately but I fear they will surface when this generation of techno-hooked children will grow up and be forced to deal with real life and have no escape from it but will have little experience to go on.
"Everything in moderation" is my motto. I think the most worrisome concern is our children, they spend far too much time on devices and in front of computer screens. They are less physically active then our generation, they tend to socialize digitally instead of actual face to face encounters, they also use technology as an escape from the real life often avoiding stressful situations or conversations. No matter how painful or awkward social interactions might get, they are also the learning opportunities our children are deprived of as they forge friendships and relationships digitally.
It is easier for them to express feelings, ideas or points of view remotely sitting behind a laptop or device. They don't see the reaction on people's face, or the emotions their statement might arise in others. That also means they can be more aggressive, ruthless, right out hurtful without ever seeing or facing the consequences of their words, at least not right away. Many a times they also can make up a persona online which may be nothing like their real selves, hence making it highly unlikely that they will ever physically and actually meet the individuals with whom they are putting up this pretension. All these thing lead to further physical isolation in the real world.
The prevalent social media frenzy is also promoting voyeurism in an insidious and disturbingly sneaky way , the urge to peek into others' personal lives can be instantly satisfied by going through anyone's social media profile and photos. On top of that the 'sharing' concept is becoming like force-feeding. Our children are being fed these unrealistic images and news of how life is, could be, should be... Leaving very little room for originality and initiative. Anything that does not fit into the realm of hip and cool isn't worth posting about or mentioning.
The effects of these significant changes in socializing, living and experiencing life may not be seen immediately but I fear they will surface when this generation of techno-hooked children will grow up and be forced to deal with real life and have no escape from it but will have little experience to go on.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
The Power Of Words
I recently watched the video for Emeli Sandé's new song "My Kind Of Love". I have always enjoyed her voice, which is intense and beautiful, but this song came with just as nice a video.
It starts off with bullets hitting a car's windshield. It took me a few seconds before I realized what was really being shot, it wasn't bullets but words, words full of anger, hatred, meanness, and indifference. As I watched the video the Spanish proverb 'A word from the mouth is like a stone from a sling.' came to mind. Think of all the times carelessly spoken words have lead to pain, anguish, heartbreak, despair, hopelessness, anger, and many a times ended precious relationships and friendships.
We all have been at the receiving end of such verbal attacks and remember most of those occasions vividly, but sadly enough we have been at the shooting end too and yet rarely remember those reckless moments. Usually when dealing with strangers I am more careful with my words. On the other hand, when angry with someone I care about, I have to admit that I get quite mean and petty, I say things I know will get to the other person and probably hurt them and at that moment that is my intention. Even though later I only feel emotionally drained, tired, guilty and full of regret.
In my efforts to become a better and wiser person, over the years I have learned to change my arguing tactics, so now instead of lashing out without restrain when mad I try to get up and walk away as soon as I detect that anger rising in me. When possible I actually go walk outside which is great, it takes the rage out of me, and it allows me to think out how to get just my point across and not have it lost in a barrage of words shot out uselessly. Do I do it everytime? No I don't but I try and will keep on training myself to do it.
All I need, we all need to remember is "nescit vox missa reverti" (A word once spoken can never be recalled.)
I agree and therefore I will strive to use my words more wisely and constructively, and I will try to teach this to my sons too and save them loads of guilt and regret.
Here is the video " My Kind of Love"
It starts off with bullets hitting a car's windshield. It took me a few seconds before I realized what was really being shot, it wasn't bullets but words, words full of anger, hatred, meanness, and indifference. As I watched the video the Spanish proverb 'A word from the mouth is like a stone from a sling.' came to mind. Think of all the times carelessly spoken words have lead to pain, anguish, heartbreak, despair, hopelessness, anger, and many a times ended precious relationships and friendships.
We all have been at the receiving end of such verbal attacks and remember most of those occasions vividly, but sadly enough we have been at the shooting end too and yet rarely remember those reckless moments. Usually when dealing with strangers I am more careful with my words. On the other hand, when angry with someone I care about, I have to admit that I get quite mean and petty, I say things I know will get to the other person and probably hurt them and at that moment that is my intention. Even though later I only feel emotionally drained, tired, guilty and full of regret.
In my efforts to become a better and wiser person, over the years I have learned to change my arguing tactics, so now instead of lashing out without restrain when mad I try to get up and walk away as soon as I detect that anger rising in me. When possible I actually go walk outside which is great, it takes the rage out of me, and it allows me to think out how to get just my point across and not have it lost in a barrage of words shot out uselessly. Do I do it everytime? No I don't but I try and will keep on training myself to do it.
All I need, we all need to remember is "nescit vox missa reverti" (A word once spoken can never be recalled.)
I agree and therefore I will strive to use my words more wisely and constructively, and I will try to teach this to my sons too and save them loads of guilt and regret.
Here is the video " My Kind of Love"
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
The dilemma of the "If Onlys" in life!
They are not all that occupies my mind but they do keep popping into my head every now and then. And on some days they become gigantic regrets that overwhelm me and leave a sadness in my heart.
As I grow older those 'If Only' moments are becoming fewer and are less often accompanied by that brief painful pang. So I ask myself, does that mean that I have gotten wiser? or does it mean that I am starting to lose hope of anything being different more like I imagined?
If I ask my dear mom that she'd probably declare this was wisdom so would my older sisters and tell me to lay it to rest. Yet somehow I feel it is important to hold on to some of those 'If Onlys'. It those unfulfilled ideas and hopes that often force us to take significant steps towards growth and positive change in our lives. It is those regrets that keep reminding us of our potential and our aspirations, they awaken the desire to reach for more then what we have resigned ourselves to in life. I understand that circumstances and responsibilities as a parent can restrict and limit the actions one can take but it is that deep seated pain of loss that drives us to try to regain some of the optimistic and idealistic magic which is often the secret behind great achievements in life.
In my case, even writing this blog is a part of my efforts to achieve a little more each day. And I am hoping it will drive me to do for my personal and spiritual growth.
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