Monday, June 8, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Why dinner time is valuable family time and needs to be part of our daily life
I grew up in a household where dinner time every member of the family had to show up, no matter what. It was at the dinner table we learned about politics, arts, literature, besides discussing and sharing our daily experiences with our siblings and parents.
My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.
For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.
Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!
Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them.
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.
My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.
For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.
Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!
Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them.
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
What makes memories worth remembering...
I was cleaning up a drawer and found some of my stuff from long ago that my mom brought from Pakistan a few years back. I started going through the bundles of memorabilia. Interestingly enough it was mostly notes, letters, cards, postcards, photographs and certificates etc... Things we don't really see much of nowadays.
One was a letter written to me by my family when I was off on a fortnight long third grade class trip to the seaside. In it my sisters informed me that they got their ears pierced, one even drew a picture showing me how they looked. My mom and dad obviously wrote advice on being a good girl and staying out of trouble and trying not to lose my stuff (which I inevitably did!). It reminded me of that trip, of the loads of fun we had, of my friends from back then, of the mischief I inevitably got into, of walks on the beach, of our bedtime games hour, of our tour of the Mercator (a training ship of the Belgian Merchant Fleet from 1930s) and its significance in bringing over remains of the Flemish missionary Pater Damiaan from the leper colonies of Hawaii. All our activities were free of any sort of electronics and yet full of joy, fun and adventure!
From those memories I trailed into other memories of my childhood years! I started remembering life then, how we had no cell phones, no computers, no video games, no video players, and no other electronic devices.
What we had was freedom, freedom to go out to the park with our friends without fear of 'bad guys', freedom to climb trees, fences, walls without fear of litigation or lawsuits, freedom to visit friends without fear of intruding, and freedom to just while away the time after school and homework was done without the pressure of endless extracurricular activities or academic tutoring classes.
We lived and enjoyed life, we savored and experienced life.
If it was summer, we went out to play with friends or learn to roller skate or skateboard, or we rode our bikes around the neighborhood or just went for a walk to the park.. we rarely sat indoors in summer before the sun set! And in Belgium it meant til 9-10 pm....
In winter, we would bring out the board games Monopoly, Scrabbles, Ulcers, Connect four, Mastermind,etc.. have tournaments amongst us and often our mom and dad joined in. If no games, then we'd read books, magazine or newspapers, or we'd come up with some crafty project and start work on that either alone or together. Television was often a last option, not only because most channels wouldn't start transmission til later in the afternoon but because we had so much else we could do. We were never really bored!!
But then I ask myself; will my children have such memories? Do they spend enough time with other human beings? Will they have as many memories of things they did with family, friends, classmates in school, college, colleagues at work and even total strangers? Will they remember such simple things as climbing a tree, planting a seed, tumbling down a hill, picking fall leaves?
With how life is in our world now, I am not so sure! What will they remember? Will they have photographs, letters or postcards to remind them? Will their memories be off playing video games alone, browsing the internet all day long, of chatting with friends or family online but without recollection of their smile or laughter? How rich and full will their memories be?
Nowadays I feel our children are being restricted and confined by the abundance of electronic distractions.. Yes, that is what they are, distractions from family, friendships and relationships, sports, nature, books, diverse experiences and mostly from really living life.
It our job as parents to take a stand and try harder to get our children to leave the electronics behind and go out to enjoy life in simpler and more interactive ways. We need to give them memories like ours of time well spent with family and friends, of time spent seeing the world around us and beyond, of time spent discovering new talents and experiencing new things.
One was a letter written to me by my family when I was off on a fortnight long third grade class trip to the seaside. In it my sisters informed me that they got their ears pierced, one even drew a picture showing me how they looked. My mom and dad obviously wrote advice on being a good girl and staying out of trouble and trying not to lose my stuff (which I inevitably did!). It reminded me of that trip, of the loads of fun we had, of my friends from back then, of the mischief I inevitably got into, of walks on the beach, of our bedtime games hour, of our tour of the Mercator (a training ship of the Belgian Merchant Fleet from 1930s) and its significance in bringing over remains of the Flemish missionary Pater Damiaan from the leper colonies of Hawaii. All our activities were free of any sort of electronics and yet full of joy, fun and adventure!
 |
| Joli Bois (Where we stayed on our trip) |
What we had was freedom, freedom to go out to the park with our friends without fear of 'bad guys', freedom to climb trees, fences, walls without fear of litigation or lawsuits, freedom to visit friends without fear of intruding, and freedom to just while away the time after school and homework was done without the pressure of endless extracurricular activities or academic tutoring classes.
We lived and enjoyed life, we savored and experienced life.
If it was summer, we went out to play with friends or learn to roller skate or skateboard, or we rode our bikes around the neighborhood or just went for a walk to the park.. we rarely sat indoors in summer before the sun set! And in Belgium it meant til 9-10 pm....
In winter, we would bring out the board games Monopoly, Scrabbles, Ulcers, Connect four, Mastermind,etc.. have tournaments amongst us and often our mom and dad joined in. If no games, then we'd read books, magazine or newspapers, or we'd come up with some crafty project and start work on that either alone or together. Television was often a last option, not only because most channels wouldn't start transmission til later in the afternoon but because we had so much else we could do. We were never really bored!!
But then I ask myself; will my children have such memories? Do they spend enough time with other human beings? Will they have as many memories of things they did with family, friends, classmates in school, college, colleagues at work and even total strangers? Will they remember such simple things as climbing a tree, planting a seed, tumbling down a hill, picking fall leaves?
With how life is in our world now, I am not so sure! What will they remember? Will they have photographs, letters or postcards to remind them? Will their memories be off playing video games alone, browsing the internet all day long, of chatting with friends or family online but without recollection of their smile or laughter? How rich and full will their memories be?
Nowadays I feel our children are being restricted and confined by the abundance of electronic distractions.. Yes, that is what they are, distractions from family, friendships and relationships, sports, nature, books, diverse experiences and mostly from really living life.
It our job as parents to take a stand and try harder to get our children to leave the electronics behind and go out to enjoy life in simpler and more interactive ways. We need to give them memories like ours of time well spent with family and friends, of time spent seeing the world around us and beyond, of time spent discovering new talents and experiencing new things.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Overexposure to technology is keeping our children from experiencing real living
Too much technology is becoming the defining tribulation of our times. Although the easy constant access to technology has some very convincing supporters, it also has its share of vehement opposition. I belong to neither of these groups.
"Everything in moderation" is my motto. I think the most worrisome concern is our children, they spend far too much time on devices and in front of computer screens. They are less physically active then our generation, they tend to socialize digitally instead of actual face to face encounters, they also use technology as an escape from the real life often avoiding stressful situations or conversations. No matter how painful or awkward social interactions might get, they are also the learning opportunities our children are deprived of as they forge friendships and relationships digitally.
It is easier for them to express feelings, ideas or points of view remotely sitting behind a laptop or device. They don't see the reaction on people's face, or the emotions their statement might arise in others. That also means they can be more aggressive, ruthless, right out hurtful without ever seeing or facing the consequences of their words, at least not right away. Many a times they also can make up a persona online which may be nothing like their real selves, hence making it highly unlikely that they will ever physically and actually meet the individuals with whom they are putting up this pretension. All these thing lead to further physical isolation in the real world.
The prevalent social media frenzy is also promoting voyeurism in an insidious and disturbingly sneaky way , the urge to peek into others' personal lives can be instantly satisfied by going through anyone's social media profile and photos. On top of that the 'sharing' concept is becoming like force-feeding. Our children are being fed these unrealistic images and news of how life is, could be, should be... Leaving very little room for originality and initiative. Anything that does not fit into the realm of hip and cool isn't worth posting about or mentioning.
The effects of these significant changes in socializing, living and experiencing life may not be seen immediately but I fear they will surface when this generation of techno-hooked children will grow up and be forced to deal with real life and have no escape from it but will have little experience to go on.
"Everything in moderation" is my motto. I think the most worrisome concern is our children, they spend far too much time on devices and in front of computer screens. They are less physically active then our generation, they tend to socialize digitally instead of actual face to face encounters, they also use technology as an escape from the real life often avoiding stressful situations or conversations. No matter how painful or awkward social interactions might get, they are also the learning opportunities our children are deprived of as they forge friendships and relationships digitally.
It is easier for them to express feelings, ideas or points of view remotely sitting behind a laptop or device. They don't see the reaction on people's face, or the emotions their statement might arise in others. That also means they can be more aggressive, ruthless, right out hurtful without ever seeing or facing the consequences of their words, at least not right away. Many a times they also can make up a persona online which may be nothing like their real selves, hence making it highly unlikely that they will ever physically and actually meet the individuals with whom they are putting up this pretension. All these thing lead to further physical isolation in the real world.
The prevalent social media frenzy is also promoting voyeurism in an insidious and disturbingly sneaky way , the urge to peek into others' personal lives can be instantly satisfied by going through anyone's social media profile and photos. On top of that the 'sharing' concept is becoming like force-feeding. Our children are being fed these unrealistic images and news of how life is, could be, should be... Leaving very little room for originality and initiative. Anything that does not fit into the realm of hip and cool isn't worth posting about or mentioning.
The effects of these significant changes in socializing, living and experiencing life may not be seen immediately but I fear they will surface when this generation of techno-hooked children will grow up and be forced to deal with real life and have no escape from it but will have little experience to go on.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
A song for posterity by Bob Dylan: Forever Young
Nowadays if we actually listen to most songs, we realize that few mean anything. There is often a lack of depth and actual meaning to the words, mostly dwelling upon love, breakups, love and some more breakups.... That is why when I read the lyrics of 'Forever Young' by Bob Dylan I was mesmerized by each beauty of each line. The more I listen to it the more I realized that this song said everything that I would wish upon my sons but said with such gentleness and sincerity. It encompasses not just good luck and good fortunes but hopes for good judgement, good morals, principles, and good deeds.
It is just the perfect song to dedicated to our children and their children and their children and so on..May God bless them all.
FOREVER YOUNG (Bob Dylan)
May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
Here is a lovely cover of the song by Audra Mae & The Forest Rangers
)
It is just the perfect song to dedicated to our children and their children and their children and so on..May God bless them all.
FOREVER YOUNG (Bob Dylan)
May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
Here is a lovely cover of the song by Audra Mae & The Forest Rangers
)
Monday, February 10, 2014
How to spot the opportunist versus the victim in the celebrity world?
The world of movies, television or music has supplied the world with an insurmountable amount of entertainment. Over the years that entertainment has expanded into real life. The obsessive fixation of the media on the personal lives of all those professionals of Hollywood starting with actors, actresses and on to directors, producers is starting to drive everyone crazy!
I for one am sick and tired of hearing about Miley Cyrus' twerk, or Amanda Bynes' psychiatric problems, Lindsay Lohan's endless rehab stints, or now Shia LeBeouf weird and unsettling behavior. Why would we want to read about total strangers' life crises and their grimy unsavory and often obscene details? Are these news bites meant to be life lessons for the ordinary people? Doubt it, the regular folk are too busy tackling inflation and unemployment!
This kind of media stalking has become so common, that after seeing young Hollywood icons toppled over one after the other, their hiccups and misfortunes appear premeditated, orchestrated and so remote that no one takes them seriously anymore. It is only when some of them end up dying of drug overdose as in the case of Cory Monteith, or Amy Winehouse, that we realize maybe they were not really into that media madness and crying out for help. Ironically it is also then that the media right away takes on the role of the sympathizer. After hounding those poor souls for years and presenting them as drug crazed and irresponsible, now the media suddenly sees them as victims. Yes they probably can be categorized as victims as some level, but whose victim? The emphatic answer: THE MEDIA!!!
Unfortunately, some celebs use this scandal mongering to their advantage, best example Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and now Shia LaBoeuf. The theory there is ' if I can be dramatic enough, stupid enough or just obscene enough I will make the front page!' And sadly enough it works out for them. These desperate antic are totally tiresome.
As long as the media gobbles up everything fed to them and keeps bombarding us with it without any sense of responsibility or filtering, it is highly likely that we never will be able to recognize the victim from the opportunist?
I for one am sick and tired of hearing about Miley Cyrus' twerk, or Amanda Bynes' psychiatric problems, Lindsay Lohan's endless rehab stints, or now Shia LeBeouf weird and unsettling behavior. Why would we want to read about total strangers' life crises and their grimy unsavory and often obscene details? Are these news bites meant to be life lessons for the ordinary people? Doubt it, the regular folk are too busy tackling inflation and unemployment!
This kind of media stalking has become so common, that after seeing young Hollywood icons toppled over one after the other, their hiccups and misfortunes appear premeditated, orchestrated and so remote that no one takes them seriously anymore. It is only when some of them end up dying of drug overdose as in the case of Cory Monteith, or Amy Winehouse, that we realize maybe they were not really into that media madness and crying out for help. Ironically it is also then that the media right away takes on the role of the sympathizer. After hounding those poor souls for years and presenting them as drug crazed and irresponsible, now the media suddenly sees them as victims. Yes they probably can be categorized as victims as some level, but whose victim? The emphatic answer: THE MEDIA!!!
Unfortunately, some celebs use this scandal mongering to their advantage, best example Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and now Shia LaBoeuf. The theory there is ' if I can be dramatic enough, stupid enough or just obscene enough I will make the front page!' And sadly enough it works out for them. These desperate antic are totally tiresome.
As long as the media gobbles up everything fed to them and keeps bombarding us with it without any sense of responsibility or filtering, it is highly likely that we never will be able to recognize the victim from the opportunist?
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