Raising boys in these times

 

What kind of movies or music my kids would be exposed to growing up was 

not something I deeply pondered on when thinking about parenting as a first time mom. 

But then one day walking into our family room I saw my husband working on his laptop 

while a Bollywood movie ran on the TV and my eldest son who was barely two at the time 

watching it quite intently with a big smile on his face. I turned towards the screen and saw 

a typical Bollywood song going on, plenty of color, upbeat music, women and men gyrating, 

the camera zooming in on the women’s busts or butts every few seconds… to most Desi 

people there is nothing strange or out of the ordinary about that. But seeing my little toddler 

watching made me pointedly aware of the sexuality, vulgarity and complete objectification of 

women that movie like most Bollywood movies was projecting and I turned the TV off.

 It was in that moment that I realized how much it mattered to me what my son grew up 

watching and listening and how much influence the entertainment he was exposed to might 

affect his personality. To figure out what I did not want my son watch or listen to, I defined what 

I did not want for him to be or do.

 

- I did not want him to accept the objectification and sexualization of women as normal.

- I did not want him to be acclimatized or numb to violence and gore of any sort.

- I did not want him to ever think a gun was a toy and something to be taken lightly.

At that time, it also became quite apparent how much the entertainment industry exposes us 

to all of these. Most TV shows were about cops or detectives either solving violent crimes or 

shooting at the ‘bad guys’, the main hero often aggressive with a flair of bad boy vibe, whereas 

almost all TV series had sexual content injected into them clearly to attract more viewers, MTV 

music videos too were full of sexualized content and even so called kid shows on Disney either 

had somewhat precocious kids already falling in love or juggling romantic relationships or 

shouting at their parents, stomping off, banging doors and all that supposedly made them cool..

When it came to music, that too was often full of sexual innuendos, especially rap music which 

was full of explicits too.

When it came to toys for boys, I decided not to buy my boys toy guns and the likes of it, nor 

did I let them play video games that had violence and gore in them or where the objective 

involved shooting or killing others. I was frowned upon by some friends and family members 

for depriving my boys of the fun they could have with Nerf guns and the likes...but I believed 

that weapons especially guns should not be introduced in a child’s life as a toy, it diminishes 

the reality of what a gun is meant for and how dangerous an object it is. 

So yes, that took a whole lot of entertainment off the table for my kids for the first their early 

years, restricting their TV to mostly PBS shows, or shows like The Wiggles, Backyardigans, 

or reality shows like Amazing Race, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire or Wheel of Fortune or 

DVDs of Wallace and Gromit, Fireman Sam, Rescue Heroes, etc.. Movies were also mostly 

limited to PG rating till they began middle school. Their toys involved board games, card 

games, Leapfrog tablets,  computer for Minecraft and educational games, etc.. I also spent a 

lot of time playing word games, general knowledge and geography quizzes with my boys. 

I don’t know if my way was the right way, but I do believe the rationale behind my decisions 

was not completely baseless or unreasonable.

Walk in the woods...

 

 

What if it's the there

and not the here

that I long for?

The wander

and not the wait,

the magic

in the lost feet

stumbling down

the faraway street

and the way the moon

never hangs

quite the same.

(Tyler Knott Gregson)

It really is as simple as that....

The day we all understand and accept that there will be peace.

The VMAs an exercise in vulgarity, obscene gestures and lack of class!

Every year I don't even know about MTV Video Music Awards being aired until all media lets loose on what was shocking and then everyone everywhere starts talking about it. So this year when I heard that the VMA were being aired that same evening, I decided to check them out myself.

Although the MTV VMAs have acquired the reputation of always bringing something more appalling and incredulous each subsequent year, this year they just hit the lowest of lows by picking Miley Cyrus as the host. Her ability to do outrageous things at 22 is already legendary.

The show kicked off with Nicki Minaj's performance, which involved gyrations and over sexualized gestures and dance moves.... I had a feeling it was going to go down from there.....
Miley Cyrus' wardrobe if that word can even be used for what she barely covered herself in... Cellophane with strategically placed plastic m&ms or something like that... A white cut-out dress which had more cutout then material... basically they managed to cover just enough to slip by the censor board!
Other performances were in the same vein but fell a little short of the initial vulgarity, with Demi Levato acting so proud of her barely covered butt by jutting it out at Iggy Azalea.

To sum it up, the level of obscene comments, dance moves and the extreme sexualization of women is very saddening... Seeing these women gyrating in minimal clothing and appearing self confident left me confused and wondering, do they really feel self-accomplished by this? For me real talent shouldn't need shedding of clothing or modesty to make a mark... maybe I am wrong but I find it difficult to respect these barely clad girls and women as real talented artists....
But again that's just me.

Best act of the evening: The Weeknd performing "Can't feel my face" alone on stage .











Even Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video  broke all barriers of decency then, now seems innocent and decent nowadays!!

Quote of the week...

Thought of the day

Why dinner time is valuable family time and needs to be part of our daily life

I grew up in a household where dinner time every member of the family had to show up, no matter what. It was at the dinner table we learned about politics, arts, literature, besides discussing and sharing our daily experiences with our siblings and parents.

My parents knew all our friends' names and what our relationship with each of them was like, they knew of all our teachers, and which ones we liked or not, they knew what book each of us was reading and if we were enjoying it or not, they knew whether we liked the latest movie we watched together, and what kind of music we were listening to the time. All this information, interaction was being carried out at the dinner table. We gave each other advice, we suggested books, expressed our view on the political state of affair, planned projects together, all at the dinner table. That was one time we all were completely present and focused on family and the joy of eating together.

For me and my siblings , some of the most memorable moments we have shared during our childhood, funny, sad or tense have been at the dinner table. Some of the most interesting family folklore we heard was at the dinner table. Some of the advice we still remember and value in our day to day life was given to us at the dinner table. So I do feel that making the effort to have dinner together every night with our children is an important part of our parental duties.

Unfortunately this tradition is being lost very fast in the US. Either all members of the family can't  match their timetables, or even if everyone makes it to the dinner table, there is often a sense of hurry and disinterest. ' Let's get over with this ' is often the mood. And now with the great invention of mobile devices, a cell phone accompanies almost each kid and both parents. So if they are not hurrying through the meal it is likely because they are each too distracted with their phone. I am sure in many case if someone was to ask them what was for dinner they may not remember, no use asking what they talked about over dinner!

Many recent studies have shown how having dinner with the family together can have a significant effect on family life and even more so on our children.
A recent article I read on the subject was in The Washington Post The most important thing you can do with your kids? Eat dinner with them. 
I am in total agreement with that. Dinner time is essential and important for reinforcing relationships, understanding & maintaining a steady communication with our kids. If we don't want to lose our children completely to the influences of social media and corporate media, we need to make the effort to sit down every night, enjoy a home cooked meal and talk to our children.

What makes memories worth remembering...

I was cleaning up a drawer and found some of my stuff from long ago that my mom brought from Pakistan a few years back. I started going through the bundles of memorabilia. Interestingly enough it was mostly notes, letters, cards, postcards, photographs and certificates etc...  Things we don't really see much of nowadays.

One was a letter written to me by my family when I was off on a fortnight long third grade class trip to the seaside. In it my sisters informed me that they got their ears pierced, one even drew a picture showing me how they looked. My mom and dad obviously wrote advice on being a good girl and staying out of trouble and trying not to lose my stuff (which I inevitably did!). It reminded me of that trip, of the loads of fun we had, of my friends from back then, of the mischief I inevitably got into, of walks on the beach, of our bedtime games hour, of our tour of the Mercator (a training ship of the Belgian Merchant Fleet from 1930s) and its significance in bringing over remains of the Flemish missionary Pater Damiaan from the leper colonies of Hawaii. All our activities were free of any sort of electronics and yet full of joy, fun and adventure!

Joli Bois (Where we stayed on our trip)

From those memories I trailed into other memories of my childhood years! I started remembering life then, how we had no cell phones, no computers, no video games, no video players, and no other electronic devices.

What we had was freedom, freedom to go out to the park with our friends without fear of 'bad guys', freedom to climb trees, fences, walls without fear of litigation or lawsuits, freedom to visit friends without fear of intruding, and freedom to just while away the time after school and homework was done without the pressure of endless extracurricular activities or academic tutoring classes.

We lived and enjoyed life, we savored and experienced life.

If it was summer, we went out to play with friends or learn to roller skate or skateboard, or we rode our bikes around the neighborhood or just went for a walk to the park.. we rarely sat indoors in summer before the sun set! And in Belgium it meant til 9-10 pm....
In winter, we would bring out the board games Monopoly, Scrabbles, Ulcers, Connect four, Mastermind,etc.. have tournaments amongst us and often our mom and dad joined in. If no games, then we'd read books, magazine or newspapers, or we'd come up with some crafty project and start work on that either alone or together. Television was often a last option, not only because most channels wouldn't start transmission til later in the afternoon but because we had so much else we could do. We were never really bored!!

But then I ask myself; will my children have such memories? Do they spend enough time with other human beings? Will they have as many memories of things they did with family, friends, classmates in school, college, colleagues at work and even total strangers? Will they remember such simple things as climbing a tree, planting a seed, tumbling down a hill, picking fall leaves?

With how life is in our world now, I am not so sure! What will they remember? Will they have photographs, letters or postcards to remind them? Will their memories be off playing video games alone, browsing the internet all day long, of chatting with friends or family online but without recollection of their smile or laughter? How rich and full will their memories be?

Nowadays I feel our children are being restricted and confined by the abundance of electronic distractions.. Yes, that is what they are, distractions from family, friendships and relationships,  sports, nature, books, diverse experiences and mostly from really living life.

It our job as parents to take a stand and try harder to get our children to leave the electronics behind and go out to enjoy life in simpler and more interactive ways. We need to give them memories like ours of time well spent with family and friends,  of time spent seeing the world around us and beyond, of time spent discovering new talents and experiencing new things.

Overexposure to technology is keeping our children from experiencing real living

Too much technology is becoming the defining tribulation of our times. Although the easy constant access to technology has some very convincing supporters, it also has its share of vehement opposition. I belong to neither of these groups.
"Everything in moderation" is my motto. I think the most worrisome concern is our children, they spend far too much time on devices and in front of computer screens. They are less physically active then our generation, they tend to socialize digitally instead of actual face to face encounters, they also use technology as an escape from the real life often avoiding stressful situations or conversations. No matter how painful or awkward social interactions might get, they are also the learning opportunities our children are deprived of as they forge friendships and relationships digitally.

It is easier for them to express feelings, ideas or points of view remotely sitting behind a laptop or device. They don't see the reaction on people's face, or the emotions their statement might arise in others. That also means they can be more aggressive, ruthless, right out hurtful without ever seeing or facing the consequences of their words, at least not right away. Many a times they also can make up a persona online which may be nothing like their real selves, hence making it highly unlikely that they will ever physically and actually meet the individuals with whom they are putting up this pretension. All these thing lead to further physical isolation in the real world.

The prevalent social media frenzy is also promoting voyeurism in an insidious and disturbingly sneaky way , the urge to peek into others' personal lives can be instantly satisfied by going through anyone's social media profile and photos. On top of that the 'sharing' concept is becoming like force-feeding. Our children are being fed these unrealistic images and news of how life is, could be, should be... Leaving very little room for originality and initiative. Anything that does not fit into the realm of hip and cool isn't worth posting about or mentioning.

The effects of these significant changes in socializing, living and experiencing life may not be seen immediately but I fear they will surface when this generation of techno-hooked children will grow up and be forced to deal with real life and have no escape from it but will have little experience to go on.

A song for posterity by Bob Dylan: Forever Young

Nowadays if we actually listen to most songs, we realize that few mean anything. There is often a lack of depth and actual meaning to the words, mostly dwelling upon love, breakups, love and some more breakups.... That is why when I read the lyrics of 'Forever Young' by Bob Dylan I was mesmerized by each beauty of each line. The more I listen to it the more I realized that this song said  everything that I would wish upon my sons but said with such gentleness and sincerity. It encompasses not just good luck and good fortunes but hopes for good judgement, good morals, principles, and good deeds.
It is just the perfect song to dedicated to our children and their children and their children and so on..May God bless them all.

FOREVER YOUNG (Bob Dylan)

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.


Here is a lovely cover of the song by Audra Mae & The Forest Rangers

)

How to spot the opportunist versus the victim in the celebrity world?

The world of movies, television or music has supplied the world with an insurmountable amount of entertainment. Over the years that entertainment has expanded into real life. The obsessive fixation of the media on the personal lives of all those professionals of Hollywood starting with actors, actresses and on to directors, producers is starting to drive everyone crazy!
I for one am sick and tired of hearing about Miley Cyrus' twerk, or  Amanda Bynes' psychiatric problems, Lindsay Lohan's endless rehab stints, or now Shia LeBeouf weird and unsettling behavior. Why would we want to read about total strangers' life crises and their grimy unsavory and often obscene details? Are these news bites meant to be life lessons for the ordinary people? Doubt it, the regular folk are too busy tackling inflation and unemployment!
This kind of media stalking  has become so common, that after seeing young Hollywood icons toppled over one after the other, their hiccups and misfortunes appear premeditated, orchestrated and so remote that no one takes them seriously anymore. It is only when some of them end up dying of drug overdose as in the case of Cory Monteith, or Amy Winehouse, that we realize maybe they were not really into that media madness and crying out for help. Ironically it is also then that the media right away takes on the role of the sympathizer. After hounding those poor souls for years and presenting them as drug crazed and irresponsible, now the media suddenly sees them as victims. Yes they probably can be categorized as victims as some level, but whose victim? The emphatic answer: THE MEDIA!!!
Unfortunately, some celebs use this scandal mongering to their advantage, best example Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and now Shia LaBoeuf. The theory there is ' if I can be dramatic enough, stupid enough or just obscene enough I will make the front page!' And sadly enough it works out for them. These desperate antic are totally tiresome.
As long as the media gobbles up everything fed to them and keeps bombarding us with it without any sense of responsibility or filtering, it is highly likely that we never will be able to recognize the victim from the opportunist?

No more New Year Resolutions for me!!

Every year end everyone I meet starts asking me about my New Year Resolutions!!! What the hell are new year resolutions? Why do I need them at the end of a year I just wasted trying to stick to last year's resolutions? In the past, every new year as instructed by the media and world, I would promise myself huge changes in my life, a new career, a new slim body to go with it, a new attitude towards everyone with no more trying to be Miss Nice incarnate! Resolve to conquer every fear and just go for whatever I want to do in life, not care what others think, not allow anyone to dissuade me from my goals. I would Nike style 'Just Do It'!

Well after all those crazy resolutions, I am still not into a career I love actually I am not into any career at all, I am still just there to take care of my family with not much gratefulness or appreciation, I am still putting my needs at the bottom of every 'to do' list and still never get to them in the end, I am still trying to go back to my pre-kids slim tight body and am far from it. I am still taking shit from my family and burying it and moving on not matter how they are weighing me down.... Basically I have achieved nothing with these flimsy dreamy wishful resolutions!!!!

Why I didn't succeed?
Firstly, I put so much thought into it only made me aware of all the roadblocks I'd have to overcome to get to my goal, of all the issues that might come up with changing dynamic at home and of all the difficulties that might pop up in my kids daily routine when I wouldn't be there 24/7 ensuring their smooth sailing. All those 'what ifs' and 'Hows' just stopped me in my tracks.
On rare occasions I did overcome those fears, but then I made another fatal mistake. I got excited and all psyched to the point of announcing it to my mom and siblings and sometimes a friend or two. Now  talking about it has never borne any fruit for me, the pressure that comes with expectations of the informed individuals just leads me to freeze. I couldn't do anything without wondering what would they say or think of it, I would worry if my idea of achievement was worth something to them? I would obsess over whether they'd be disappointed behind my back because I fell short of their hopes for me. And on and on and on...... All these questions that grow in my head only take away any fun or joy in doing it. Hence I don't do it and give up!

In fact, the only times I have done anything concrete over the past decade it is when I didn't plan it long and hard, I just did it!

So this December when a friend suggested making new year resolutions together, I just plain refused. No more resolutions for me, I just am not going to add another disappointment to my list of 'Not Done Yet'(NDY) and my list of 'Will Never Get Done'(WNGD). No I am not going to make up resolutions just to stick with the crowd, I am going to live life , one day at a time, just go with the flow. Do whatever inspires me whenever it inspires me. I will do it quietly and persevere because that is the only way I can actually get anything done. And no more announcing my big idea, they will find out when they will find out, no need to expedite it.

So Happy New Year to you all, but don't you dare ask me what I'll be doing this year, I am not saying! :)

Thank you Zach Sobiech!

As 2013 comes to a close, every television channel is coming up with all kinds of lists of the best, the worst, the coolest, the most impressive, etc... Of all the lists I have so far seen, Zach Sobiech from Minnesota stood out as the most inspiring.
Zach Sobiech was diagnosed with osteosarcoma at age 14 in 2009. Osteosarcoma is an aggressive form of bone cancer that affects mostly children. As he went through a long series of surgeries and several rounds of chemotherapy, Zach chose to deal with this stressful period by writing songs, singing and making a band 'A Firm Handshake' with friends.
In May 2012, Zach's osteosarcoma was found to have spread further and doctors informed him and his family that he had just about an year to live. It is during that time he wrote this beautiful song called 'Clouds'. With the help of their local radio station KS95 Zach was able to record the song and make a video of it, which was put on Youtube in December 2012. The sincere poignancy of the lyrics and the sweet catchy tune of the song very quickly captured the hearts of so many viewers that the video had more then 3 million views when Zach passed away on May 20th 2013, two weeks after his eighteenth birthday.
In his short yet purposeful life, not only Zach showed patience, strength and optimism, but he also dedicated efforts to set up 'The Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fund at Children’s Cancer Research Fund. He had proceeds from his music and fundraisers in his honor to the fund, so that other children may have a better fighting chance against osteosarcoma.
Here is his song 'Clouds'



In the end, I would like to thank Zach for reminding all of us how foolish it is to let petty little problems in our daily life bring us down when there so much to bring us up up up!
Rest In Peace dear Zach Sobiech.

P.S:
Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fun ( Children's Research Fund)
My Last Days: Meet Zach Sobiech (Youtube)
Osteosarcoma(NIH)
Transcript: Zach Sobiech on CNN's 'Extraordinary People'
 

We must break free from Black Friday!!

So every year millions of Americans celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Although the roots of Thanksgiving can be traced to religious and cultural traditions, in the United States it has taken the form of a secular celebration of family, friends, abundance of food, health and good fortune. Most people travel across the country to get together with family and friends and get a chance to create rich memories together. They enjoy a nice long weekend together and cherish the opportunity to leave their daily rut behind and just relax together with loved ones. It is a chance to stop and smell the roses and be grateful for all that is good in life.

But slowly yet surely corporate America has hijacked this beautiful and graceful holiday and converted it into a weekend of shopping frenzy and madness. The media bombards the public with promises of unearthly deals never to be seen again,  unbelievable prizes to early shoppers, the more you spend the more you save and so on.... The pressure of shopping on Black Friday is so intense that even children have started to believe that shopping on Friday is part and parcel of the Thanksgiving Holiday. Thus like zombies with no thought process of their own, majority of Americans rush through their Thanksgiving feast and head out to line up outside stores of choice. They forget that eating together as a big family and enjoying the food and real family time was the initial purpose of Thanksgiving! That purpose has been lost, now the purpose as dictated by corporate America's supercharged marketing and advertising is shopping for things you don't really need and spending money you don't really have!

It is a sad state of affairs, considering the fact that millions of Americans are still reeling from the recent economic depression, many have no jobs yet, many are in debt up to their necks yet they will go to the mall and spend and spend and spend, all the while thinking they are saving!! But saving what? If you spend $30 and save $10 on it, you still paid the $20 which you didn't really need to. It is scary to see how bad most Americans are at seeing the real truth. We do not have to buy something just so we can say we have it, we should buy what we really are in need of to sustain a healthy and safe life, everything else is luxury.

But I guess children born in the once land of plenty wouldn't know that , would they? Unfortunately no one has told them and nor have they realized it for themselves that the US is no longer the land of plenty in the real sense. It is time to educate the American public to make money wise decision and not allow big corporations  and designer labels tell them what they need to buy or own, instead it is time for them to make their own decision and take control of their financial mess.

P.S: I wrote this post after reading news about the violence seen this Black Friday and also reading an article on BBC World "The Dark Side of Black Friday". Here are links to both;

Black Friday shopping in US marred by violence
The dark side of Black Friday

Lady Gaga's Dilemma....

We all know that shocking the US television audience is the way to notoriety and fame. There was a time when pure musical talent and skill got you rich and famous but that doesn't work as well anymore. The more risqué and inappropriate according to norm the more likely it will get you the attention and boost your career needs, specially if you are lacking in real talent! 

In the 1980s Madonna understood that, she broke all rules of public decency and propriety with 'Like a virgin', she pushed limits of acceptable display of sexuality and nudity to kickstart her career, everytime she felt ignored she went one step further towards obscenity and got success and fame as a result. 

Her legacy has been kept alive by various desperate starlets over the years like Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Rihanna to name a few. They used the same tactics and it worked for most of them. All they needed was to put on a shocking sexually charged performance and their faces hit the front pages. Many more tried the same tricks, some were successful while others failed miserably, remember Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction for example.

Then in 2008 came Lady Gaga, she took Madonna's shock system to a whole new level! She decided to hide her face behind ghastly masks while showing pretty much every thing else at first. So it was sexuality presented with a touch of intrigue, leading to her fast climb to fame and fortune. She regularly put on extravagant and disturbingly weird performances on all award shows, keeping her audience hooked. She reinforced the drama by wearing the strangest and skimpiest outfits whenever and wherever possible. It was working superbly for her. She was probably planning to ride that wave for while. She seemed to know exactly how to gradually push the envelope on propriety and yet get away with it, she was in control.

But suddenly Miley Cyrus happened. Yes the same young country singer pushed to the forefront of teen music with a nice big nudge from dad Billy Ray Cyrus. Unfortunately it appears that nudge was way too much for her to handle, leading to the total disintegration of the teen darling and her transformation into the sex crazed industry rebel. Starting off at the MTV music awards 2013 gyrating with tacky old Robin Thicke on the stage and sticking out her disturbingly long tongue made her the 'twerking' sensation of the world! If anyone thought that was it, they were in for a huge surprise, yes I am talking about the video to her new single 'Wrecking ball'. After seeing her swinging buck naked on a wrecking ball, there is little left to imagination.

That is where I see Lady Gaga facing a huge dilemma, what to do next? Once all of the clothes have come off, what is left to show or shock the world?

No wonder actual artists like Annie Lennox have spoken up and called these acts pornographic. 

Here is an excerpt of her post on her Facebook page "I have to say that I'm disturbed and dismayed by the recent spate of overtly sexualised performances and videos," she wrote. "You know the ones I'm talking about. It seems obvious that certain record companies are peddling highly styled pornography with musical accompaniment …

"It's depressing to see how these performers are so eager to push this new level of low. Their assumption seems to be that misogyny – utilised and displayed through oneself – is totally fine, as long as you are the one creating it. As if it's all justified by how many millions of dollars and YouTube hits you get from behaving like pimp and prostitute at the same time. It's a glorified and monetised form of self harm."

So far Lady Gaga is dabbling in different cheap versions of her trashy and obscene performances to date, and it might be it unless of course the FCC decides to just drop the laws on Obscene, Indecent and Profane Broadcasts, which are pretty much ignored anyway. 

P.S: I was going to post pics to go along with the post, but decided against it. Just didn't feel right. 

Annie Lennox condemns 'pornographic' music videos ( Full Article)
FCC Federal Communication Commission (Laws on Obscene, Indecent and Profane Broadcasts)

Any moral compass for Facebook in this case?

The recent string of headlines, about Facebook and its wavering decision on allowing graphic beheading videos, have been somewhat perturbing. My question : Is there any moral compass influencing these flip flop decisions?

I am starting to think 'No this has nothing to do with moral values and everything to do with Facebook's business savvy and their fear of losing customers'. Here are some of those confusing headlines, now you can decide for yourself.

Facebook U-turn after charities criticise decapitation videos   (BBC World-May 1, 2013)

Facebook has said it will delete videos of people being decapitated which had been spread on its site.

"We will remove instances of these videos that are reported to us while we evaluate our policy and approach to this type of content," it said. (Full story)
Outrage erupts over Facebook's decision on graphic videos  (CNN Money-October 23, 2013)
Facebook has stirred up a storm with a controversial decision to lift a ban on violent videos, including beheadings. A temporary ban on graphic content was imposed in May following complaints about videos which depicted people being decapitated. Facebook removed the reported videos and said it was reviewing its policy on this type of graphic content. Now the company has relaxed its stance. It will allow violent content such as beheadings to be published, provided the intent is to raise awareness rather than celebrate violence. (Full Story)
Facebook removes beheading video, updates violent images standards (NBC News-Oct. 23,2013)

Facebook Inc removed a video of a woman being beheaded from its website on Tuesday and said it would use a broader set of criteria to determine when gory videos are permitted on the site. The move came a day after a public outcry over news reports that Facebook, the world's No. 1 social network with 1.15 billion members, had lifted a temporary ban on images of graphic violence. (Full Story)

Facebook defends allowing beheadings footage to continue (BBC World-November 19, 2013)

Facebook will continue to allow users to show footage of beheadings as long as it is posted in "the right context", MPs have heard. The social network site has been criticised for allowing such images to be shown, amid warnings they could cause psychological damage. Facebook's UK and Ireland policy director Simon Milner said the footage could expose human rights abuses. There would also be "more prior warnings" on content, he added. But the Incorporated Society of British Advertisers (ISBA) accused Facebook of lacking a sense of "responsibility". The US-based company introduced a temporary ban on decapitation clips in May, but announced last month that it believed users should be free to watch them. (Full Story)

What do you think now?

George Leigh Mallory - An extraordinary man!

Like most of us, I had only heard of Sir Edmund Hillary, as the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest 29,100 feet (8,848 metres). It was only after reading "Paths of Glory" a book by Jeffrey Archer based on the life of George Leigh Mallory did I find out about the real hero of Everest and thought I'd share his story with all my friends.
George Leigh Mallory born 18 June 1886 in Cheshire, England, was a man of unparalleled skills at mountain climbing. He had conquered all the highest peaks in Europe by 1913. He then had his sights on Mount Everest, his reason for wanting to climb Everest ""Because it's there".
In the words of one of his climbing partners "In watching George at work one was conscious not so much of physical strength as of suppleness and balance; so rhythmical and harmonious was his progress in any steep place ... that his movements appeared almost serpentine in their smoothness."
George Mallory led the first three British expeditions to Mount Everest.
On the first expedition in 1921, , Mallory became the first human recorded to have set foot on the actual mountain by climbing up to the saddle of the North Ridge(the North Col, 23,000-ft, 7000m).
On the second expedition in 1922,Mallory almost reached the crest of the North-East ridge with his climbing partners Howard Somervell and Edward Norton. Inspite of the thin air at that altitude, they achieved a record altitude of 26,985 ft (8,225 m) before weather conditions and the late hour forced them to retreat. Although that height was surpassed by George Finch who with Mallory led a second attempt up to, but he used bottled oxygen, which was highly criticized & discarded by all as an unacceptable aid.
On the third expedition in 1924, he led another attempt to reach the top of the world with Andrew Irvine, a fine athletic young man just 22 yrs old. Mallory himself was 37.They used oxygen, Mallory having given up his original scepticism by his failure on the initial assault and the very rapid ascent speed of Finch in 1922. The last time they were seen was by a member of his climbing team Noel Odell. His testimony:

"At 12.50, just after I had emerged from a state of jubilation at finding the first definite fossils on Everest, there was a sudden clearing of the atmosphere, and the entire summit ridge and final peak of Everest were unveiled. My eyes became fixed on one tiny black spot silhouetted on a small snow-crest beneath a rock-step in the ridge; the black spot moved. Another black spot became apparent and moved up the snow to join the other on the crest. The first then approached the great rock-step and shortly emerged at the top; the second did likewise. Then the whole fascinating vision vanished, enveloped in cloud once more."

The two never returned. Whether they ever reached the summit has been subject to constant speculation. After multiple failed search expeditions for the next 75 years , the body of George Leigh Mallory was found at 26,760 feet (8,160 m) on the north face of the mountain in 1999. The body of Andrew Irvine has yet to be found.

Mount Everest was finally conquered (complete ascent and descent)by Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay ( a sherpa) in 1953 some 20 yrs later.

But what makes George Mallory and his team mates extraordinary men is the fact that they achieved such heights as 27,000 ft, without any of the professional gear(including oxygen) used by later expeditions. What they had was their sheer skill, endurance and perseverance.

In 1995, Mallory's grandson also named George Mallory reached the summit of Everest with six other climbers as part of the American Everest Expedition. He left a picture of his grandparents at the summit citing 'Unfinished business'.

Why I stand by my ban on toy guns, violent games and violent movies in my house!

I know some people including my own brother think that I have it wrong, exposure to guns specially toy guns doesn't make a child less sensitive to gun violence. Playing violent video games such as Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty doesn't necessarily make you a violent person. 
But every time I see headlines like the following, the more strongly I feel about the affect of unnecessary exposure to violence and the more aware I become of the dangers of making children think that a gun could be a toy or killing and shooting at people could be a game.

3 Students Shot Near Brashear High School In Pittsburgh ( Nov 13,2013 Huff Post) 

Police: 20 children among 26 victims of Connecticut school shooting ( Dec. 15, 2012 CNN US)

At least 12 dead, 59 injured in Colorado theater shooting during 'Dark Knight Rises' (July 20,2012 Fox News)

US police name suspect in Oakland college shooting (April 3, 2012 BBC)

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords shot in Tucson rampage; federal judge killed ( Jan 8, 2011 Washington Post)

Worst U.S shooting ever kills 33 on VA campus ( April 16, 2007 NBC News)

Man Shoots 11, Killing 5 Girls, in Amish School (Oct 3, 2006  NY Times) 

 And these are just a few of the mass shooting incidents that have occurred since the April 1999 Columbine shooting. There are more than 28 such shootings on record, and disturbingly enough victims include young children. 

Another way that today's children are over exposed to violence is through movies. A recent study published in the scientific journal Pediatrics after researches analyzed the 30 top-grossing films every year from 1950 to 2012, concluded that the gun violence in PG-13 movies has tripled over time. The overall violence has doubled.

I do realize that taking toy gun, graphic violent games and movies away will not guarantee a decrease in violence but I do think it might help prevent our future generations from becoming totally immune and acclimatized to violence and killing in general. 




More on the American Academy of Pediatrics study 

Film gun violence has tripled since 1985 - study (Read full story)

Gun violence in PG-13 movies has tripled  (Read full story)

The lines are blurred in far too many ways!!

Wondering what I am talking about, it's sleazy Robin Thicke's summer hit " Blurred Lines". Yes, that supposedly upbeat party song, which was blasted by almost all radio stations all summer long. Everyone seemed to love it, but how many of you actually listened to what was being said in the song? If you did, believe me you probably wouldn't want your sons and daughters listening and singing along to this clearly obscene song. I am saying that because I actually read the lyrics to the whole song.
The reason I did that is I learned to pay attention to lyrics when I became a mom to three boys. I like listening to all kinds of music when driving, I love jamming my favs on the radio when going on long drives. Honestly speaking, I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics of the songs, if they had a fun beat, nice rhythm I'd put it on, without a thought. Then one day I heard my preschooler trying to sing along with Lil Jon's song " Get low", I was mortified!! That was not the kind of song a preschooler should be singing! I started paying attention to the words of the songs , there were far too many channels playing songs with sexually charged lyrics, the more I became conscious of the content of songs the more I was shocked. Hence I decided to listen to NPR or my own selection of music CDs mostly, and only sometimes to songs ( I knew lyrics to) on other radio channels.

So when this summer " Blurred lines" was playing in every possible place, I was very worried to notice that few seemed to even realize how obscene and disturbingly graphic the lyrics were and had lyrics insinuating that aggression and violence go along with consensual sex and relationships. I started asking myself, is our society so immune to such blatant social degradation?

Then today I saw The Guardian news headline "Blurred Lines: the most controversial song of the decade" and as I read on, the news piece was about the song being banned by University College London student union thus joining some 20 other such student bodies in the UK. It also mentions outcry by several US organizations such as Slutwalk about the explicit and violent nature of the song's lyrics. It was a relief to know that others besides myself had issues with this song, others were also worried to see the immunity of the public to songs. There are still people and organizations out there fighting to uphold certain levels of decency, morality and civility. There is hope!

The full article in The Guardian

Blurred Lines: the most controversial song of the decade

Paper books are still my favorites!

I am sure you have guessed by now that I am an avid reader. I think I have never not been reading a book. As an early reader read all the Enid Blyton series ( Noddy, The Famous Five, Malory Towers, The Secret Seven etc.) As a teenager delved into Classic English literature with Daphne Du Maurier, Bronte Sisters, E. M Forster, Graham Greene, Somerset Maugham, George Eliot and endless others. Read plenty of P.G Wodehouse, Agatha Christie, Robert Ludlum, Jeffrey Archer on the side.

Then in my twenties ventured into more heavier stuff such as  Thomas Hardy, John Steinbeck, Margaret Atwood and also started reading translated works of well known authors like Ben Okri, Paulo Coehlo, Jose Saramago. So as you can see my reading choices changed and evolved as I was maturing and evolving too.

Most of the authors I liked I bought the books of, and so I still have many with me. When I see those books I don't only remember the storyline but I also remember the time when I read it, who gave it to me or where I bought it, how it was a companion in those days.

I still have the book all my classmates from 6th grade autographed and gifted me when we moved to a different city. I also still possess Hemingway's "True at first light", the first book my husband bought me and wrote a sweet love note on the first page. That was when we visited the Ernest Hemingway house in Key West, Florida.

Then about a year back, I was going through a bad patch when I saw 'Game of Thrones' by R.R.Martin at the bookstore, I had obviously heard the name and decided to buy it. I started reading it rather skeptical of it's fame but this book pulled me in, R.R.Martin's story writing just transported me into this phantasmal world of deception, scheming, swords, magic and dragons. It allowed me to escape from my blues long enough to heal and move on. I read the whole series up to the latest work 'Dance with Dragons' within a month or so. But now I have this special association with those five books, they were there for me when I was down and needed a boost.

I am sure that I am not the only with a story like this one. My books are just like old friends to me, they are always there for me to go to when I need them. This is why I will always buy paper books, keep them and  treat them with the love and respect they deserve.

Postscript: 

I decided to write this piece when I saw this headline on BBC World this morning;

Amazon e-book offer riles independent bookshop owners

Bookshop owners have hit back at an initiative by Amazon to sell its Kindle e-book reader in independent shops. The Amazon Source programme, launching first in the US, would let bookshops sell the devices and receive a small cut of e-book sales thereafter. ( Read Whole article)

The gist of it being that Amazon is working hard to discourage people from buying books, that is real books, you know the one actually printed on paper and bound. The ones we can hold, open instantly at two different places, the ones that we sometime dedicate or gift to someone, the one we get authors to autograph, the ones that have passed down to us through the generations, yes those real precious and valuable books.